Fun is like life insurance: The older you get, the more it costs.

Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit a lot of people.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally, even when you know what you're talking about.

Don't knock the weather nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.

A good front is half the battle in love or war.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.