P. G. Wodehouse

Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.

To Herbert Westbrook, without whose never-failing advice, help, and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.

AS A SLEUTH YOU ARE POOR. YOU COULDN’T DETECT A BASS-DRUM IN A TELEPHONE-BOOTH.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say ‘When!’

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

The real objection to the great majority of cats is their insufferable air of superiority. Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in Ancient Egypt they were worshiped as gods.

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. P. G.

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

I ALWAYS ADVISE PEOPLE NEVER TO GIVE ADVICE.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

THE FASCINATION OF SHOOTING AS A SPORT DEPENDS ALMOST WHOLLY ON WHETHER YOU ARE AT THE RIGHT OR WRONG END OF THE GUN.

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious. P. G.

It is no use telling me that there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping the lead into the boxing-glove.

SUDDEN SUCCESS IN GOLF IS LIKE THE SUDDEN ACQUISITION OF WEALTH. IT IS APT TO UNSETTLE AND DETERIORATE THE CHARACTER.

CHUMPS ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST HUSBANDS… ALL THE UNHAPPY MARRIAGES COME FROM THE HUSBANDS HAVING BRAINS.

THERE ARE MEN WHO FEAR REPARTEE IN A WIFE MORE KEENLY THAN A SWORD.

If you could call the thing a horse. If it hadn't shown a flash of speed in the straight, it would have got mixed up with the next race.

If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.

So always look for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life.

What with excellent browsing and sluicing and cheery conversation and what-not, the afternoon passed quite happily.

Ice formed on the butler’s upper slopes.

HAS ANYBODY EVER SEEN A DRAMA CRITIC IN THE DAYTIME? I DOUBT IT.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

When Aunt is calling to Aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps.

A little bit added to what you’ve already got gives you a little bit more.

He was the sort of man who would have tried to cheer Napoleon up by talking about the Winter Sports at Moscow.

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

THERE IS ONLY ONE CURE FOR GREY HAIR. IT WAS INVENTED BY A FRENCHMAN. IT IS CALLED THE GUILLOTINE.