Quotes to inspire and reflect

I wouldn't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk as me.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

When they fire a rocket at Cape Canaveral, I feel as if I own it.

(a) How much did you make last year? (b) How much have you got left? (c) Send (b).

Saving is a fine thing - especially when your parents have done it for you.

I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I handed one of my creditors an IOU and thought thank heavens that's settled.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

They don't put indicators on your car in Beverly Hills. They figure if you're that rich you don't have to tell no one where you're going.

Things could be much worse. I could be one of my creditors.

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

Wealth is any income that is at least 100 dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I'm going to Iowa to collect an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to pick up an honour from the French government. I'd give it all up for one erection.

I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation.

The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment packed into a four-hour show.

Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

The sooner we get rid of losing, the happier everyone will be.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

He was as successful as a celluloid dog chasing an asbestos cat through hell.

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

I haven't failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that don't work.

The only way to enjoy life is to work. Work is much more fun than fun.

Nobody works as hard for their money as the person who marries it.

Working for Warner Bros is like fucking a porcupine - it's a hundred pricks against one.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Set me anything to do as a task, and it is inconceivable the desire I have do something else.

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Most people like hard work, particularly when they're paying for it.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

I wish my son would learn a trade. At least we'd know what kind of work he's out of.

In the days when I went to work, I never once knew what I was doing. These days, I never work. Work does age one so.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow dishes for Chinese restaurants.

They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money except by working for it.

Do not take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

I am glad to hear you smoke. A man should always have an occupation of some kind.

Keep cool. It will be all gone a hundred years hence.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smouldering sexuality don't always win, I'm sorry to say.

No problem is insoluble given a big enough plastic bag.

We are all born originals. Why is it so many of us die copies?