Quotes to inspire and reflect

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I had my credit card stolen, but I didn't report it because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

Things could be much worse. I could be one of my creditors.

They don't put indicators on your car in Beverly Hills. They figure if you're that rich you don't have to tell no one where you're going.

Wealth is any income that is at least 100 dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

I'm going to Iowa to collect an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to pick up an honour from the French government. I'd give it all up for one erection.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment packed into a four-hour show.

I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation.

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.

Success didn't spoil me; I've always been insufferable.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

The sooner we get rid of losing, the happier everyone will be.

He was as successful as a celluloid dog chasing an asbestos cat through hell.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

I haven't failed. I've just found ten thousand ways that don't work.

Nobody works as hard for their money as the person who marries it.

The only way to enjoy life is to work. Work is much more fun than fun.

Working for Warner Bros is like fucking a porcupine - it's a hundred pricks against one.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Set me anything to do as a task, and it is inconceivable the desire I have do something else.

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Most people like hard work, particularly when they're paying for it.

In the days when I went to work, I never once knew what I was doing. These days, I never work. Work does age one so.

I wish my son would learn a trade. At least we'd know what kind of work he's out of.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow dishes for Chinese restaurants.

They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money except by working for it.

I am glad to hear you smoke. A man should always have an occupation of some kind.

Do not take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smouldering sexuality don't always win, I'm sorry to say.

Keep cool. It will be all gone a hundred years hence.

No problem is insoluble given a big enough plastic bag.

We are all born originals. Why is it so many of us die copies?

To thine ownself be true.

Heaven never helps the man who will not act.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.

Furthermore, we have not even to risk the journey alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.

Every man hath a good and a bad angel attending on him in particular all his life long.

The surest defense against Evil is extreme individualism, originality of thinking, whimsicality, even, if you will, eccentricity. That is, something that can’t be feigned, faked, imitated; something even a seasoned imposter couldn’t be happy with.

Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.

Man was formed for society and is neither capable of living alone, nor has the courage to do it.