Emotions and Feelings

Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.

Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination ?

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

A German joke is no laughing matter.

The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation .

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side

It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.

We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Golf is a good walk spoiled .

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.

Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.

Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know .

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than a shovel.