Emotions and Feelings

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.

It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher .

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse .

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out.

I deal with temptation by yielding to it.

Carlyle said 'a lie cannot live.' It shows that he did not know how to tell them.

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it .