Emotions and Feelings

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble .

The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.

All emotion is involuntary when genuine.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do

It's easy to endure adversity -- if it happens to someone else.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact .