Society and the World

What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education .

I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.

An honest politician is an oxymoron.

Virtue has never been as respectable as money .

Virtue has never been as respectable as money .

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.

In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.

It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips.

I am only human, although I regret it.

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it .

Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

Definite speech means clarity of mind.

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute-but they all worship money.

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over .

I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the #‎ telephone .