Humor e Ironia

It is dangerous to let the public behind the scenes. They are easily disillusioned and then they are angry with you, for it was the illusion they loved; they do not understand that what interests you is the way in which you have created the illusion. Anthony Trollope ceased to be read for thirty years because he confessed that he wrote at regular hours and took care to get the best price he could for his work.

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three.

If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.

There is only a finger's difference between a wise man and a fool.

Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?

Why not whip the teacher when the pupil misbehaves?

Man is the most intelligent of the animals - and the most silly.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.

Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain: adults and wise persons never speak it.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased.

Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner .

Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.