Humor e Ironia

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. Fanatics will never learn that, though it be written in letters of gold across the sky. It is the prohibition that makes anything precious.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt .

Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

When a library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.

Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest .

What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat .

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Simplified spelling is all right, but, like chastity, you can carry it too far.

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure .

My memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.