Emotions and Feelings

An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.

We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

The bane of Americans is overwork-and the ruin of any work is a divided interest. Concentrate-concentrate. One thing at a time .

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive .

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately .

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.

Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.

Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination ?

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.