Emotions and Feelings

The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation .

A German joke is no laughing matter.

Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Golf is a good walk spoiled .

Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind at any time.

I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know .

Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

We were good boys, good Presbyterian boys, and loyal and all that; anyway, we were good Presbyterian boys when the weather was doubtful; when it was fair, we did wander a little from the fold.

Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than a shovel.

Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.