Emotions and Feelings

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful '

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

I have carried a revolver; lots of us do, but they are the most innocent things in the world.

The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog .

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself .

It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth.

There is nothing like instances to grow hair on a bald-headed argument.

I do see that there is an argument against suicide: the grief of the worshipers left behind, the awful famine in their hearts, these are too costly terms for the release.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.

A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

To eat is human, to digest, divine

An occasional compliment is necessary to keep up one's self-respect.

An occasional compliment is necessary to keep up one's self-respect.