Emotions and Feelings

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.

When congress is in session no American is safe.

A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction .

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right.

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life.

To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.

Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself.

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired .

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.

Senator: Person who makes laws in Washington when not doing time.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.