Emotions and Feelings

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets .

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least .

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least .

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.