Life and Existence

Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey .

If there is a God, he is a malign thug.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old .

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody .

Don't wait the time is never just right.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

The secret of making progress is to get started.