Carol Ortiz

Brincaram de amar
e quando acabaram
se entrelaçaram,
deitados,
olhando nos olhos do outro
com o desejo ardente
de obter respostas 
na busca insana
de suas próprias identidades...


2020

I am
the chaos
looking for connection
envolved in a random story
full of dreams,
perspectives, verbs, words
fragmented objects
immersed in existence

Almost a ghost
ape
wears tie
Almost a ghost
weak
a spy
Thinks like god
broad
a huge soul
lost in a world
of pain
no gain
no history
to complain
sorrounded by fears
and tears
a gold being
like a human being
just a small sin
cultural
unmoral
Almost a human
weird
sometimes aliens
sometimes sapiens...

We are on the moon,
flying on brooms
over the clouds, against the sun
we are witches having fun
we make love with thunder,
speechless, without blunder
we are poets, we live in magic
our stage is this song, nothing more tragic

1% is me
99 is nobody
I dont know
I don´t want
I don´t say
Nothing lasts
as much as
I can´t say goodbye
Brain thinks
about acting
Reacting
I can´t breath ...
I bet on the impossible
I see myself ... invisible
Stop
Shout
Feel
lots of things
to heal
I don't know what
makes
Sense
A perfect
Nonsense
It hurts
Suggests
The real best
A beast that listens
nothing
from
nothing
Alive...
time is flying
and I simply jive
and I thrive

Vou por arame farpado
nas farpas do meu pensamento
cansei de pensar nas coisas
que ocorrem nesse momento
cercarei meus sonhos passados
com restos de sentimento
e assim plantar a semente
da espera do crescimento
...esse é o futuro,
imprevisível e inseguro
e nostalgicamente
insensível
factível



2003

A escuridão cobria o céu e a fumaça estampava o ar. Era o começo do fim.
          Pessoas apavoradas corriam para qualquer lugar. Fugiam da dor e onde iam a encontravam.
          Um trovão, um desespero. Medo geral, sombras por toda parte, dor, pesadelo, pânico...até chegar...silêncio.
          Um lugar de almas penadas, perdidas, massacradas. Corpos agonizando por toda parte, lamentos e solidão. Algo quase humano procurava desesperadamente pelo filho que correu, como todos os outros.
          Sonhos, vidas, pedaços.
          "Foi a bomba", alguém falou antes de suspirar pela última vez naquele último momento de lesão.
           Ouviram-se, ainda, lamentações, murmúrios, expressões incertas, entretanto, a única certeza: a morte.
           E a profecia se fez! Foi a bomba imoral, irreal, fecal que lambeu a sombra da humanidade. A luz apagou.


1998

Breaking news: a strange man was caught downtown last night. He was mumbling words with no sense and a body was on his side. Check it

Sometimes I wish I could be by myself
but the voices never leave me alone
so, I walk till the end of night
and sink in this lonely dark
I want to stay in a safe place
far, far away from these crazy faces
but I can´t, I can´t, I can´t

Roll the dices
and I´ll pick you up there
small, sweet, private ax
let me give you your truly part
your skin is so kind, so terrified pure
I want to feel and smell your perfume
but I can´t, I can´t, I can´t

I want to leave this place
I´m not recognizing this stage
I´m not myself anymore
I just feel pride and want more
but I can´t, I can´t, I can´t

Talking to these voices
I know what to do
and i bet it´s not good for you
fighting against dragons, using swords
I need to leave this world
a simple and lost soul

voices say:
I can´t
anyway

They had sex all night long.
So, at dawn, she left alone
“Take your money”- he said to humiliate
She slammed the door and cried.
There was no reason to live or die

Feeling hurt, heart was aching
Nobody could help her
Nobody was waiting
For another end
or another name
She couldn´t say it
She couldn´t blame

Then she went home and sat down at the same place
standing there, quiet, silent, thinking ...

“Positive! You´re gonna be mommy”
How can I endure all this?
Just another day in this matrix
I´ll have a baby among this trash
So dirty, a whore, a pustular body
A premature boy bawdy and shoddy

Then she went home and sat down at the same place
standing there, quiet, silent, thinking ...

Phone rang in the middle of night
A hoarse woman´s voice in this cast
“Another love? So fast!”

Ten years of illusion, threat and desperate
For nothing more than a baby
A filthy and stinky baby
And the pain of living in this darkness
She was definitely falling
In a hell, in a hole
Where the faces has no name
No life, no place

Then she went home and sat down at the same place
standing there, quiet, silent, thinking ...

No Money, no job, no ambition
She just wanted to survive, like an addiction
Her boy was nine and was always sick
A poor bastard named Nick
His wasted shoes and old yellow pants
Scary brown eyes and agony
He needed a soul transplant
To deal with the worst hypocrisy
No father, half mother, no hope, no charge
Nothing is easy, but always harder

Sweet mommy sees his lips
So shy in a fake smile
And then she decides
And startes walking
Under the sun, under the moon,
Over the moutains, around the cliffs
Laughing like a crazy
A bitch fucking crazy
Suddenly she stucks
And she sees him
In Boomtown , inside a big and fancy car
Surrounded by young and pretty ladies
Smelling like a thoroughbred
She didn´t cry, she didn’t think
She just looked in his eyes and shot
Shot, shot, shot
Silence!

Nobody said any word
Nobody did anything
He died
And now
She is the queen

Maybe this is true,
I really don´t know
some people say
Boomtown is a dystopian place
 

2020

Quero tirar a maquiagem
da bagagem
e arrancar essa máscara
tão ácida
Quero rever o meu sorriso
nesse grito
sem pressentir a agonia
dessa sinfonia
chamada vida
partida,
bipolar
Não tenho medo, 
nem pouco um lar
Destroços, restos
partidas, lacunas
passos modestos
reais comunas
Sou apenas a pena
leve, que se atreve
no vazio
sombrio
do repovoamento
sangrento
da humanidade
sem identidade
Flutuo,
mergulho,
num precipício 
um início
desolador
ecos e cacos
num mundo deserto
perdas, luto
recomeçar

CAROL, 2020