Poemas neste tema
Relações e Família
Fernando Pessoa
Deixaste o dedal na mesa
Deixaste o dedal na mesa
Só pelo tempo da ausência —
Se eu to roubasse dirias
Que eu não tinha consciência.
Só pelo tempo da ausência —
Se eu to roubasse dirias
Que eu não tinha consciência.
792
Fernando Pessoa
O ribeiro bate, bate
O ribeiro bate, bate
Nas pedras que nele estão,
Mas nem há nada em que bata
O meu pobre coração.
Nas pedras que nele estão,
Mas nem há nada em que bata
O meu pobre coração.
1 413
Fernando Pessoa
Tu és Maria das Dores,
Tu és Maria das Dores,
Tratam-te só por Maria.
Está bem, porque deste as dores
A quem quer que em ti se fia.
Tratam-te só por Maria.
Está bem, porque deste as dores
A quem quer que em ti se fia.
1 562
Fernando Pessoa
Tu és Maria das Dores,
Tu és Maria das Dores,
Tratam-te só por Maria.
Está bem, porque deste as dores
A quem quer que em ti se fia.
Tratam-te só por Maria.
Está bem, porque deste as dores
A quem quer que em ti se fia.
1 562
Fernando Pessoa
Quando tiraste da cesta
Quando tiraste da cesta
Os figos que prometeste
Foi em mim dia de festa,
Mas foi a todos que os deste.
Os figos que prometeste
Foi em mim dia de festa,
Mas foi a todos que os deste.
1 374
Fernando Pessoa
Quando tiraste da cesta
Quando tiraste da cesta
Os figos que prometeste
Foi em mim dia de festa,
Mas foi a todos que os deste.
Os figos que prometeste
Foi em mim dia de festa,
Mas foi a todos que os deste.
1 374
Fernando Pessoa
CANÇÃO ABRUPTA
CANÇÃO ABRUPTA
O céu de todos os universos
Cobre em meu ser todo o verão...
Vai p'ra as profundas dos infernos
E deixa em paz meu coração!
Quê? Não me fica se te opões?
Pois leva-o, guarda-o, bem ou mal
Eu tenho muitos corações
É um privilégio intelectual
Madonna que vais comprar couves
Não te esqueças de me esquecer
O teu perfil dá-me trabalho
Quero (...)
Bem sei, o teu perfil persiste
Amo-te e é triste não poder
Deixar de amar-te sem estar triste...
Se és mulher que em verdade existe
Raios te parta! Vai morrer!
O céu de todos os universos
Cobre em meu ser todo o verão...
Vai p'ra as profundas dos infernos
E deixa em paz meu coração!
Quê? Não me fica se te opões?
Pois leva-o, guarda-o, bem ou mal
Eu tenho muitos corações
É um privilégio intelectual
Madonna que vais comprar couves
Não te esqueças de me esquecer
O teu perfil dá-me trabalho
Quero (...)
Bem sei, o teu perfil persiste
Amo-te e é triste não poder
Deixar de amar-te sem estar triste...
Se és mulher que em verdade existe
Raios te parta! Vai morrer!
1 402
Fernando Pessoa
CANÇÃO ABRUPTA
CANÇÃO ABRUPTA
O céu de todos os universos
Cobre em meu ser todo o verão...
Vai p'ra as profundas dos infernos
E deixa em paz meu coração!
Quê? Não me fica se te opões?
Pois leva-o, guarda-o, bem ou mal
Eu tenho muitos corações
É um privilégio intelectual
Madonna que vais comprar couves
Não te esqueças de me esquecer
O teu perfil dá-me trabalho
Quero (...)
Bem sei, o teu perfil persiste
Amo-te e é triste não poder
Deixar de amar-te sem estar triste...
Se és mulher que em verdade existe
Raios te parta! Vai morrer!
O céu de todos os universos
Cobre em meu ser todo o verão...
Vai p'ra as profundas dos infernos
E deixa em paz meu coração!
Quê? Não me fica se te opões?
Pois leva-o, guarda-o, bem ou mal
Eu tenho muitos corações
É um privilégio intelectual
Madonna que vais comprar couves
Não te esqueças de me esquecer
O teu perfil dá-me trabalho
Quero (...)
Bem sei, o teu perfil persiste
Amo-te e é triste não poder
Deixar de amar-te sem estar triste...
Se és mulher que em verdade existe
Raios te parta! Vai morrer!
1 402
Fernando Pessoa
Olhas para mim às vezes
Olhas para mim às vezes
Como quem sabe quem sou.
Depois passam dias, meses,
Sem que vás por onde vou.
Como quem sabe quem sou.
Depois passam dias, meses,
Sem que vás por onde vou.
1 373
Fernando Pessoa
Ai, Margarida,
Ai, Margarida,
Se eu te desse a minha vida,
Que farias tu com ela?
— Tirava os brincos do prego,
Casava c'um homem cego
E ia morar para a Estrela.
Mas, Margarida,
Se eu te desse a minha vida,
Que diria tua mãe?
— (Ela conhece-me a fundo.)
Que há muito parvo no mundo,
E que eras parvo também.
E, Margarida,
Se eu te desse a minha vida
No sentido de morrer?
— Eu iria ao teu enterro,
Mas achava que era um erro
Querer amar sem viver.
Mas, Margarida,
Se este dar-te a minha vida
Não fosse senão poesia?
— Então, filho, nada feito.
Fica tudo sem efeito.
Nesta casa não se fia.
Comunicado pelo Engenheiro Naval
Sr. Álvaro de Campos em estado
de inconsciência
alcoólica.
Se eu te desse a minha vida,
Que farias tu com ela?
— Tirava os brincos do prego,
Casava c'um homem cego
E ia morar para a Estrela.
Mas, Margarida,
Se eu te desse a minha vida,
Que diria tua mãe?
— (Ela conhece-me a fundo.)
Que há muito parvo no mundo,
E que eras parvo também.
E, Margarida,
Se eu te desse a minha vida
No sentido de morrer?
— Eu iria ao teu enterro,
Mas achava que era um erro
Querer amar sem viver.
Mas, Margarida,
Se este dar-te a minha vida
Não fosse senão poesia?
— Então, filho, nada feito.
Fica tudo sem efeito.
Nesta casa não se fia.
Comunicado pelo Engenheiro Naval
Sr. Álvaro de Campos em estado
de inconsciência
alcoólica.
2 071
Fernando Pessoa
Já sei: alguém disse a verdade.
Já sei: alguém disse a verdade.
Até os cordéis parecem aflitos,
Entra neste lar o objectivo.
E cada um ficou de fora, como um pano na corda
Que a chuva apanha esquecido na noite de janelas fechadas.
Até os cordéis parecem aflitos,
Entra neste lar o objectivo.
E cada um ficou de fora, como um pano na corda
Que a chuva apanha esquecido na noite de janelas fechadas.
1 188
Fernando Pessoa
Esse é um génio, é o que é novo é (...)
Esse é um génio, é o que é novo é (...)
Outro é um deus, e as crianças do mundo não lhe cospem na cara.
Queria ser uma pedra, não aspiro a mais, quero
Ser uma coisa que não possa ter vergonha nem desespero,
Fui rei nos meus sonhos, mas nem sonhos houve, além de mim
E a última palavra que se escreve nos livros é a palavra Fim.
Outro é um deus, e as crianças do mundo não lhe cospem na cara.
Queria ser uma pedra, não aspiro a mais, quero
Ser uma coisa que não possa ter vergonha nem desespero,
Fui rei nos meus sonhos, mas nem sonhos houve, além de mim
E a última palavra que se escreve nos livros é a palavra Fim.
1 331
Fernando Pessoa
Trazes a bilha à cabeça
Trazes a bilha à cabeça
Como se ela não houvesse.
Andas sem pressa depressa
Como se eu lá não estivesse.
Como se ela não houvesse.
Andas sem pressa depressa
Como se eu lá não estivesse.
1 473
Fernando Pessoa
Perdi a esperança como uma carteira vazia...
Perdi a esperança como uma carteira vazia...
Troçou de mim o Destino; fiz figas para o outro lado,
E a revolta bem podia ser bordada a missanga por minha avó
E ser relíquia da sala da casa velha que não tenho.
(Jantávamos cedo, num outrora que já me parece de outra incarnação,
E depois tomava-se chá nas noites sossegadas que não voltam.
Minha infância, meu passado sem adolescência, passaram ,
Fiquei triste, como se a verdade me tivesse sido dita,
Mas nunca mais pude sentir verdade nenhuma excepto sentir o passado)
Troçou de mim o Destino; fiz figas para o outro lado,
E a revolta bem podia ser bordada a missanga por minha avó
E ser relíquia da sala da casa velha que não tenho.
(Jantávamos cedo, num outrora que já me parece de outra incarnação,
E depois tomava-se chá nas noites sossegadas que não voltam.
Minha infância, meu passado sem adolescência, passaram ,
Fiquei triste, como se a verdade me tivesse sido dita,
Mas nunca mais pude sentir verdade nenhuma excepto sentir o passado)
1 183
Fernando Pessoa
Perdi a esperança como uma carteira vazia...
Perdi a esperança como uma carteira vazia...
Troçou de mim o Destino; fiz figas para o outro lado,
E a revolta bem podia ser bordada a missanga por minha avó
E ser relíquia da sala da casa velha que não tenho.
(Jantávamos cedo, num outrora que já me parece de outra incarnação,
E depois tomava-se chá nas noites sossegadas que não voltam.
Minha infância, meu passado sem adolescência, passaram ,
Fiquei triste, como se a verdade me tivesse sido dita,
Mas nunca mais pude sentir verdade nenhuma excepto sentir o passado)
Troçou de mim o Destino; fiz figas para o outro lado,
E a revolta bem podia ser bordada a missanga por minha avó
E ser relíquia da sala da casa velha que não tenho.
(Jantávamos cedo, num outrora que já me parece de outra incarnação,
E depois tomava-se chá nas noites sossegadas que não voltam.
Minha infância, meu passado sem adolescência, passaram ,
Fiquei triste, como se a verdade me tivesse sido dita,
Mas nunca mais pude sentir verdade nenhuma excepto sentir o passado)
1 183
Fernando Pessoa
Trazes um manto comprido
Trazes um manto comprido
Que não é xaile a valer.
Eu trago em ti o sentido
E não sei que hei-de dizer.
Que não é xaile a valer.
Eu trago em ti o sentido
E não sei que hei-de dizer.
1 354
Fernando Pessoa
Quando se amam, vívidos,
Quando se amam, vívidos,
Dois seres juvenis e naturais,
Parece que harmonias se derramam
Como perfumes pela terra em flor.
Mas eu, ao conceber-me amando, sinto
Como que um gargalhar hórrido e fundo
Da existência em mim, como ridículo
E desusado no que é natural.
Nunca, senão pensando no amor,
Me sinto tão longínquo e deslocado,
Tão cheio de ódios contra o meu destino
De raivas contra a essência do viver.
E nasce então em mim de tal sentir,
Um negrume de tédio e ódio imenso
Que torna os grandes crimes e os mais torpes
Inadequadas cousas ao que sinto
Em sua humilde e popular vileza.
Dois seres juvenis e naturais,
Parece que harmonias se derramam
Como perfumes pela terra em flor.
Mas eu, ao conceber-me amando, sinto
Como que um gargalhar hórrido e fundo
Da existência em mim, como ridículo
E desusado no que é natural.
Nunca, senão pensando no amor,
Me sinto tão longínquo e deslocado,
Tão cheio de ódios contra o meu destino
De raivas contra a essência do viver.
E nasce então em mim de tal sentir,
Um negrume de tédio e ódio imenso
Que torna os grandes crimes e os mais torpes
Inadequadas cousas ao que sinto
Em sua humilde e popular vileza.
1 270
Fernando Pessoa
A clareza falsa, rígida, não-lar dos hospitais
A clareza falsa, rígida, não-lar dos hospitais
A alegria humana, vivaz, sobre o caso da vizinha
Da mãe inconsolável a que o filho morreu há um ano
Trapos somos, trapos amamos, trapos agimos —
Que trapo tudo que é este mundo!
A alegria humana, vivaz, sobre o caso da vizinha
Da mãe inconsolável a que o filho morreu há um ano
Trapos somos, trapos amamos, trapos agimos —
Que trapo tudo que é este mundo!
1 426
Fernando Pessoa
D'outra vida mais bela
D'outra vida mais bela
A esperança já desesperada,
A gélida e constante aspiração.
A esperança já desesperada,
A gélida e constante aspiração.
1 308
Fernando Pessoa
SONNET - Lady, believe me ever at your feet,
Lady, believe me ever at your feet,
When all the Venus in you you condense
Unto a gesture natural and sweet,
Full-filled with purity's white eloquence.
Your sentient arm so softly did incense
The love of beauty in my soul complete,
That I had given the dearest things of sense
For that your gesture natural and sweet.
Genius and beauty, and the things that mar
The love of life with Love's own purest glow,
Out of all thinking, all unconscious are;
And even you, sweet lady, may not know
How much that gesture was to me a star
Leading my bark upon a sea of woe.
When all the Venus in you you condense
Unto a gesture natural and sweet,
Full-filled with purity's white eloquence.
Your sentient arm so softly did incense
The love of beauty in my soul complete,
That I had given the dearest things of sense
For that your gesture natural and sweet.
Genius and beauty, and the things that mar
The love of life with Love's own purest glow,
Out of all thinking, all unconscious are;
And even you, sweet lady, may not know
How much that gesture was to me a star
Leading my bark upon a sea of woe.
1 543
Fernando Pessoa
IN THE STREET
I pass before the windows lit
With inward, curtained light,
And in the houses I see flit
Now and again shadows that hit
The curtain's yellowed white.
Others a little gleam but show:
Inside, the people chat, I know.
And I feel cold and feel alone,
Not that I no one have,
But - ah that dreams should ne’er be done! -
That among many I am one,
As among flowers a grave;
One, and more lonely than can be
Imagined conceivably.
If l were born not to aspire
Beyond the life that lead
These people whom life cannot tire,
Who chat and slumber by the fire
Contentedly indeed,
Behind those curtains, by that light
That to the street is somewhat bright;
Could I no more aspire than these,
Were all my wishes bound
In family or social ease,
In worldly, usual jollities
Or children playing round,
Happy were I but to have then
The usual life of usual men.
But oh! I have within my heart
Things that cannot keep still -
A mystic and delirious smart
That doth a restlessness impart,
An ache, a woe, an ill;
I wearied Sysyphus I groan
Against the world's ironic stone.
I, the eternally excluded
From socialness and mirth,
The aching heart whose mind has brooded
Till thought turned raving mad hath flooded
The soul that gave it birth -
I weep to know I have in me
Aught at once joy and misery.
And cold before the normal, cold
And fear‑struck I remain,
As one old, formidably old,
Who doth portentous secrets hold
That he cannot explain
But which the world's show doth suggest
Unto his mind that knows not rest.
How good after dinner to chat
And sit in half a sleep,
Without a duty‑sense to strike flat
All ease, all cosiness to abate
An aspiration deep;
To have an ease no pains do throng
Nor felt as an ease that is wrong.
A home, a rest, a child, a wife -
None of these are for me
Who wish for aught beyond this life
With an incessant inner strife
That knows not victory.
Ay me! and none to comprehend
This wish that doth all things transcend.
Some in some theatre are away
Or other place of joy
And keep, for ever glad and gay,
The hounds of thought and care at bay
That cannot laugh or toy:
These are awaited in some homes,
A faint light from their windows comes.
A cosiness these homes must steep
In something like a slumber,
And in that surface‑living deep
'Tis hard to know that hearts do keep.
......
Yet these are normal; I that sigh
And dread their living - what am I?
Oh joy! oh height of happiness!
To wish no more than life,
To feel of pleasure, of distress,
A normal more, a normal less,
By friend or child or wife!
None of these for my soul can be
For more than madness is in me.
I weep sad tears - oh, not to live
As these in human joy!
Oh, that I could as much believe
As sense and custom joint can give
Which living cannot cloy!
Man's happiness is poor, I know,
But true - a thing all unlike woe.
Sometimes I dream that I might sit
By my own fire, and quiet
Might see my wife and children flit
Half in a sleep and not a whit
In one of dreamy riot;
And I might noble be and pure
In mind, not stupid or obscure.
Sometimes I dream one of these homes
Secluded socially
One for the many thousand tomes
Of life might keep my heart that roams
Weak, desolate and free;
That quiet haply might console
My aching heart, my pining soul.
But as the thought of such a glad
Existence simple here,
As if the thing a venom had
I shiver, tremble and grow sad
As with a mystic fear;
I dread to think my life might pass
Like that of men, as is and was.
I dread to think of a life sweet
By family and friends.
Mine eyes the finite that they meet
Abhor - the houses and the street.
And all things that have ends.
I know not to what I aspire,
Yet know this I cannot desire.
So always incompatible
And by the usual cold,
I go about, my own deep hell,
Hearing to toll in me the bell
That tells me I grow old,
Yet this in such an accent strange
lt bears the mystery of Change.
And so - alas! must e'er I be
A stranger everywhere;
The leper in his leprosy
In his exclusion nears not me
Who cannot living bear:
The world my home, my brother men
Are prisons, chains that bind and pen.
I pass. The windows are behind,
And I forget their peace,
But tremble yet at what my mind
Conceives and feels; and in the wind
I wander without cease,
Glad yet sad in me to perceive
Something none other can conceive.
With inward, curtained light,
And in the houses I see flit
Now and again shadows that hit
The curtain's yellowed white.
Others a little gleam but show:
Inside, the people chat, I know.
And I feel cold and feel alone,
Not that I no one have,
But - ah that dreams should ne’er be done! -
That among many I am one,
As among flowers a grave;
One, and more lonely than can be
Imagined conceivably.
If l were born not to aspire
Beyond the life that lead
These people whom life cannot tire,
Who chat and slumber by the fire
Contentedly indeed,
Behind those curtains, by that light
That to the street is somewhat bright;
Could I no more aspire than these,
Were all my wishes bound
In family or social ease,
In worldly, usual jollities
Or children playing round,
Happy were I but to have then
The usual life of usual men.
But oh! I have within my heart
Things that cannot keep still -
A mystic and delirious smart
That doth a restlessness impart,
An ache, a woe, an ill;
I wearied Sysyphus I groan
Against the world's ironic stone.
I, the eternally excluded
From socialness and mirth,
The aching heart whose mind has brooded
Till thought turned raving mad hath flooded
The soul that gave it birth -
I weep to know I have in me
Aught at once joy and misery.
And cold before the normal, cold
And fear‑struck I remain,
As one old, formidably old,
Who doth portentous secrets hold
That he cannot explain
But which the world's show doth suggest
Unto his mind that knows not rest.
How good after dinner to chat
And sit in half a sleep,
Without a duty‑sense to strike flat
All ease, all cosiness to abate
An aspiration deep;
To have an ease no pains do throng
Nor felt as an ease that is wrong.
A home, a rest, a child, a wife -
None of these are for me
Who wish for aught beyond this life
With an incessant inner strife
That knows not victory.
Ay me! and none to comprehend
This wish that doth all things transcend.
Some in some theatre are away
Or other place of joy
And keep, for ever glad and gay,
The hounds of thought and care at bay
That cannot laugh or toy:
These are awaited in some homes,
A faint light from their windows comes.
A cosiness these homes must steep
In something like a slumber,
And in that surface‑living deep
'Tis hard to know that hearts do keep.
......
Yet these are normal; I that sigh
And dread their living - what am I?
Oh joy! oh height of happiness!
To wish no more than life,
To feel of pleasure, of distress,
A normal more, a normal less,
By friend or child or wife!
None of these for my soul can be
For more than madness is in me.
I weep sad tears - oh, not to live
As these in human joy!
Oh, that I could as much believe
As sense and custom joint can give
Which living cannot cloy!
Man's happiness is poor, I know,
But true - a thing all unlike woe.
Sometimes I dream that I might sit
By my own fire, and quiet
Might see my wife and children flit
Half in a sleep and not a whit
In one of dreamy riot;
And I might noble be and pure
In mind, not stupid or obscure.
Sometimes I dream one of these homes
Secluded socially
One for the many thousand tomes
Of life might keep my heart that roams
Weak, desolate and free;
That quiet haply might console
My aching heart, my pining soul.
But as the thought of such a glad
Existence simple here,
As if the thing a venom had
I shiver, tremble and grow sad
As with a mystic fear;
I dread to think my life might pass
Like that of men, as is and was.
I dread to think of a life sweet
By family and friends.
Mine eyes the finite that they meet
Abhor - the houses and the street.
And all things that have ends.
I know not to what I aspire,
Yet know this I cannot desire.
So always incompatible
And by the usual cold,
I go about, my own deep hell,
Hearing to toll in me the bell
That tells me I grow old,
Yet this in such an accent strange
lt bears the mystery of Change.
And so - alas! must e'er I be
A stranger everywhere;
The leper in his leprosy
In his exclusion nears not me
Who cannot living bear:
The world my home, my brother men
Are prisons, chains that bind and pen.
I pass. The windows are behind,
And I forget their peace,
But tremble yet at what my mind
Conceives and feels; and in the wind
I wander without cease,
Glad yet sad in me to perceive
Something none other can conceive.
1 581
Fernando Pessoa
IN THE STREET
I pass before the windows lit
With inward, curtained light,
And in the houses I see flit
Now and again shadows that hit
The curtain's yellowed white.
Others a little gleam but show:
Inside, the people chat, I know.
And I feel cold and feel alone,
Not that I no one have,
But - ah that dreams should ne’er be done! -
That among many I am one,
As among flowers a grave;
One, and more lonely than can be
Imagined conceivably.
If l were born not to aspire
Beyond the life that lead
These people whom life cannot tire,
Who chat and slumber by the fire
Contentedly indeed,
Behind those curtains, by that light
That to the street is somewhat bright;
Could I no more aspire than these,
Were all my wishes bound
In family or social ease,
In worldly, usual jollities
Or children playing round,
Happy were I but to have then
The usual life of usual men.
But oh! I have within my heart
Things that cannot keep still -
A mystic and delirious smart
That doth a restlessness impart,
An ache, a woe, an ill;
I wearied Sysyphus I groan
Against the world's ironic stone.
I, the eternally excluded
From socialness and mirth,
The aching heart whose mind has brooded
Till thought turned raving mad hath flooded
The soul that gave it birth -
I weep to know I have in me
Aught at once joy and misery.
And cold before the normal, cold
And fear‑struck I remain,
As one old, formidably old,
Who doth portentous secrets hold
That he cannot explain
But which the world's show doth suggest
Unto his mind that knows not rest.
How good after dinner to chat
And sit in half a sleep,
Without a duty‑sense to strike flat
All ease, all cosiness to abate
An aspiration deep;
To have an ease no pains do throng
Nor felt as an ease that is wrong.
A home, a rest, a child, a wife -
None of these are for me
Who wish for aught beyond this life
With an incessant inner strife
That knows not victory.
Ay me! and none to comprehend
This wish that doth all things transcend.
Some in some theatre are away
Or other place of joy
And keep, for ever glad and gay,
The hounds of thought and care at bay
That cannot laugh or toy:
These are awaited in some homes,
A faint light from their windows comes.
A cosiness these homes must steep
In something like a slumber,
And in that surface‑living deep
'Tis hard to know that hearts do keep.
......
Yet these are normal; I that sigh
And dread their living - what am I?
Oh joy! oh height of happiness!
To wish no more than life,
To feel of pleasure, of distress,
A normal more, a normal less,
By friend or child or wife!
None of these for my soul can be
For more than madness is in me.
I weep sad tears - oh, not to live
As these in human joy!
Oh, that I could as much believe
As sense and custom joint can give
Which living cannot cloy!
Man's happiness is poor, I know,
But true - a thing all unlike woe.
Sometimes I dream that I might sit
By my own fire, and quiet
Might see my wife and children flit
Half in a sleep and not a whit
In one of dreamy riot;
And I might noble be and pure
In mind, not stupid or obscure.
Sometimes I dream one of these homes
Secluded socially
One for the many thousand tomes
Of life might keep my heart that roams
Weak, desolate and free;
That quiet haply might console
My aching heart, my pining soul.
But as the thought of such a glad
Existence simple here,
As if the thing a venom had
I shiver, tremble and grow sad
As with a mystic fear;
I dread to think my life might pass
Like that of men, as is and was.
I dread to think of a life sweet
By family and friends.
Mine eyes the finite that they meet
Abhor - the houses and the street.
And all things that have ends.
I know not to what I aspire,
Yet know this I cannot desire.
So always incompatible
And by the usual cold,
I go about, my own deep hell,
Hearing to toll in me the bell
That tells me I grow old,
Yet this in such an accent strange
lt bears the mystery of Change.
And so - alas! must e'er I be
A stranger everywhere;
The leper in his leprosy
In his exclusion nears not me
Who cannot living bear:
The world my home, my brother men
Are prisons, chains that bind and pen.
I pass. The windows are behind,
And I forget their peace,
But tremble yet at what my mind
Conceives and feels; and in the wind
I wander without cease,
Glad yet sad in me to perceive
Something none other can conceive.
With inward, curtained light,
And in the houses I see flit
Now and again shadows that hit
The curtain's yellowed white.
Others a little gleam but show:
Inside, the people chat, I know.
And I feel cold and feel alone,
Not that I no one have,
But - ah that dreams should ne’er be done! -
That among many I am one,
As among flowers a grave;
One, and more lonely than can be
Imagined conceivably.
If l were born not to aspire
Beyond the life that lead
These people whom life cannot tire,
Who chat and slumber by the fire
Contentedly indeed,
Behind those curtains, by that light
That to the street is somewhat bright;
Could I no more aspire than these,
Were all my wishes bound
In family or social ease,
In worldly, usual jollities
Or children playing round,
Happy were I but to have then
The usual life of usual men.
But oh! I have within my heart
Things that cannot keep still -
A mystic and delirious smart
That doth a restlessness impart,
An ache, a woe, an ill;
I wearied Sysyphus I groan
Against the world's ironic stone.
I, the eternally excluded
From socialness and mirth,
The aching heart whose mind has brooded
Till thought turned raving mad hath flooded
The soul that gave it birth -
I weep to know I have in me
Aught at once joy and misery.
And cold before the normal, cold
And fear‑struck I remain,
As one old, formidably old,
Who doth portentous secrets hold
That he cannot explain
But which the world's show doth suggest
Unto his mind that knows not rest.
How good after dinner to chat
And sit in half a sleep,
Without a duty‑sense to strike flat
All ease, all cosiness to abate
An aspiration deep;
To have an ease no pains do throng
Nor felt as an ease that is wrong.
A home, a rest, a child, a wife -
None of these are for me
Who wish for aught beyond this life
With an incessant inner strife
That knows not victory.
Ay me! and none to comprehend
This wish that doth all things transcend.
Some in some theatre are away
Or other place of joy
And keep, for ever glad and gay,
The hounds of thought and care at bay
That cannot laugh or toy:
These are awaited in some homes,
A faint light from their windows comes.
A cosiness these homes must steep
In something like a slumber,
And in that surface‑living deep
'Tis hard to know that hearts do keep.
......
Yet these are normal; I that sigh
And dread their living - what am I?
Oh joy! oh height of happiness!
To wish no more than life,
To feel of pleasure, of distress,
A normal more, a normal less,
By friend or child or wife!
None of these for my soul can be
For more than madness is in me.
I weep sad tears - oh, not to live
As these in human joy!
Oh, that I could as much believe
As sense and custom joint can give
Which living cannot cloy!
Man's happiness is poor, I know,
But true - a thing all unlike woe.
Sometimes I dream that I might sit
By my own fire, and quiet
Might see my wife and children flit
Half in a sleep and not a whit
In one of dreamy riot;
And I might noble be and pure
In mind, not stupid or obscure.
Sometimes I dream one of these homes
Secluded socially
One for the many thousand tomes
Of life might keep my heart that roams
Weak, desolate and free;
That quiet haply might console
My aching heart, my pining soul.
But as the thought of such a glad
Existence simple here,
As if the thing a venom had
I shiver, tremble and grow sad
As with a mystic fear;
I dread to think my life might pass
Like that of men, as is and was.
I dread to think of a life sweet
By family and friends.
Mine eyes the finite that they meet
Abhor - the houses and the street.
And all things that have ends.
I know not to what I aspire,
Yet know this I cannot desire.
So always incompatible
And by the usual cold,
I go about, my own deep hell,
Hearing to toll in me the bell
That tells me I grow old,
Yet this in such an accent strange
lt bears the mystery of Change.
And so - alas! must e'er I be
A stranger everywhere;
The leper in his leprosy
In his exclusion nears not me
Who cannot living bear:
The world my home, my brother men
Are prisons, chains that bind and pen.
I pass. The windows are behind,
And I forget their peace,
But tremble yet at what my mind
Conceives and feels; and in the wind
I wander without cease,
Glad yet sad in me to perceive
Something none other can conceive.
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