Regret (Alexander Search)

I would that I were again a child
        And a child you sweet and pure,
That we might be free and wild
        In our consciousness obscure;
That we might play fantastic games
        Under trees silent and shady,
That we might have fairy-book names,
        I be a lord, you a lady.

And all were a strong ignorance
        And a healthy want of thought,
And many a [prank?], many a dance
        Our unresting feet had wrought;
And I would act well a clown's part
        To your childish laughter winning,
And I would call you my sweetheart
        And the name would have no meaning.

Or sitting close we each other would move
        With tales that now gone are sad;
We would have no sex, would feel no love,
        Good without fighting the bad.
And a flower would be our life's delight
        And a nutshell boat our treasure:
We would lock it in a cupboard at night
        As in memory a pleasure.

We would spend hours and days like a wealth
        Of goodness too great to cloy,
We would deep enjoy innocence and health
        Knowing not we did enjoy...
Ah, what bitterest is is that-alone
        Now one feeling in me I trace -
That knowledge of what from us hath gone
        And of what it left in its place.


29-5-1907