The Lamentations of a sinful Soul leaving the Body

A moment past, I felt the weight, the ache, the cold;
And now, outside myself, my own dead form behold—
Unmoving and unbreathing, face all bloodless, white,
Bearing the stamp of death. O miserable sight!

I sense that I am not alone: unknown powers fill the air.
With horror I feel darkness writhe and coil everywhere.
On every side, the swarming shadows grip and press—
They count me as their prey, they claim my helplessness.*

They waited; they were always close to me,
But I, within the thickness of my flesh, could never see.
Their multitude—with burning coals instead of eyes—
Slowly, relentlessly, they tighten their grim ties.
I hear their whisper, hissing, and in every sound
My name, my secret acts, all echo round.

Now I perceive how awful and complete
The severance from God, the dread, the dark defeat.
I know that now, this very instant, is the test
On which my everlasting destiny will rest.

I scream, but in this gulf my voice is quickly dead.
I call upon God’s name, but lips without a tongue, with dread,
Cannot pronounce it boldly—only with shame I find
That I’m unworthy even to bring that Name to mind.

Each sin of mine arises like a living trace.
Oh, if I could return for just one moment’s Grace!
I strive to call to mind one single deed of light,
One heartfelt prayer—but everything sinks in the night,
In that black sea where all my memories drown.

I stand upon the edge, about to go
Into the unknown, to reap what I did sow
For every word, each deed, each thought I know—
That I’ve amassed...
And now I cannot cancel what is past.

I lift my gaze to where the Angels ought to be,
My last hope—the All-Pure One’s intercessory plea.

…………………………………………………………………………

*I feel I am not all alone: strange powers surround.
With horror I perceive how darkness coils unbound.
From every side the swarms of blackness press and throng;
They count me as their prey, to whom I've belonged long.