Quotes to inspire and reflect

Drunkenness is simply voluntary insanity.

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

Brandy, n.: A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave, and four parts clarified Satan.

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

Gin was mother’s milk to her.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I don’t drink liquor. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.

Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that, you just take the girl’s clothes off.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Is quicker.

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad—but New York City?

I believe a lot of you are into gardening—security officers said you were growing your own grass.

I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

I have made an important discovery—that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.

Pour him out of here!

I drink, therefore I am.

There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.

I delight in men over 70. They always offer one the devotion of a lifetime. I think 70 an ideal age for a man.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Women are as old as they feel—and men are old when they lose their feelings.

Who goes to bed with whom.

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I don’t feel old—I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.

I don’t know how you feel about old age, but in my case I didn’t see it coming. It hit me in the rear.

You’re never too old to become younger.

I’m 74 years old and even though I may be a bit of a rascal… 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30-year-old.

Allow me to put the record straight. I am 46 and have been for some years past.

Life begins at 40—but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.

You can live to be a 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a 100.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.

Never let that son of a bitch in the studio again—until we need him.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

The reason why so many people showed up at his [Louis B. Mayer’s] funeral was because they wanted to make sure he was dead.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it.

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

Show business is dog-eat-dog. It’s worse than dog-eat-dog, it’s-dog-doesn’t-return-other-dog’s-phone-calls.

There are three intolerable things in life - cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women

I prefer people who rock the boat to people who jump out

If I ever own a restaurant, I will never allow the waiters to ask if the diners like their dishes. Particularly when they're talking.