Humor e Ironia

I bowl so slow that if after I have delivered the ball I don’t like the look of it, I can run after it and bring it back.

One always tends to overpraise a long book, because one has got through it.

The difference between outlaws and in-laws is that outlaws don't promise to pay it back.

If someone says, 'It's not the money, it's the principle,' it's the money.

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

I am the very pink of courtesy.

 

So Two cheers for Democracy: one because it admits variety and two because it permits criticism. Two cheers are quite enough: there is no occasion to give three. Only Love the Beloved Republic deserves that.

 

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

 

Gorgonized me from head to foot, With a stony British stare.

 

End of the wonderful one-hoss shay. Logic is logic. That’s all I say.

 

Have you heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay, That was built in such a logical way It ran a hundred years to a day?

 

The joke loses everything when the joker laughs himself.

 

One has to secrete a jelly in which to slipquotations down people’s throats—and one always secretes too much jelly.

The best part of married life is the fights. The rest is merely so-so.

[ Reply when asked to name the hundredbest books of all time :] I fear that would be impossible, because I have only written five.

I never put off till to-morrow what I can possibly do . . . the day after.

Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer, and becomes a correspondence.

We Irish are too poetical to be poets; we area nation of brilliant failures, but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks.

[ Of George Bernard Shaw :] An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.

As for borrowing Mr. Whistler’s ideas about art, the only thoroughly original ideas I have ever heard him express have had reference to his own superiority as a painter over painters greater than himself.

It is indeed a burning shame that thereshould be one law for men and another law for women. . . . I think that there should be no law for anybody.

Every American bride is taken there [Niagara Falls], and the sight of the stupendous waterfall must be one of the earliest, if not the keenest, disappointments in American married life.

This is one of the compliments that mediocrity pays to those who are not mediocre.