Humor e Ironia

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure.

A little lie can travel half way 'round the world while Truth is still lacing up her boots .

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit.

Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider .

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference .

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

Never miss an opportunity to shut up.