When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.

The fickleness of the women I love is only equaled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.

If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him.

I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way—by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.

I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.

We are a nation of governesses.

[An Englishman] does everything on principle: He fights you on patriotic principles; he robs you on business principles; he enslaves you on imperial principles…