It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.

Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man is ever going to make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. “My God, the floor’s immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch.”

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes–and six months later you have to start all over again.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly—hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.

Can we talk?