The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate.

Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.

Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry.

The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment packed into a four-hour show.