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Poems List

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
3
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
3
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
4
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.
3
I knew her before she was a virgin.
2
So little time, so little to do.
3
I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
3
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
1

You can’t possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven’s Seventh and go slow.

explaining his way out of a speeding ticket

3

I treasure every moment that I do not see her.

on Phyllis Diller

1

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