Quotes to inspire and reflect

Litigation, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

The law is a ass—a idiot.

My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One of the other of us has to go.

People who throw kisses are mighty hopelessly lazy.

Therefore, no kiss.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not you should kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

Rome reminds me of a man who lives by exhibiting to travelers his grandmother’s corpse.

As frozen water to a starved snake.

Italy the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness.

Rome seems to be a great fair of shams, humbugs, and frauds. Religion is its commerce and its wealth, like dung in the Black Forest.

I once saw a sign on a lift in Dublin that said: “Please do not use this when it is not working.”

If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him.

Our Irish ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that list up as “Irish politics.”

…the Irish are not at peace unless they are at war…

I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way—by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.

I reckon no man is thoroughly miserable unless he be condemned to live in Ireland.

The Irish are a fair people; they never speak well of one another.

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland: rich and thick.

This [the Irish] is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

I’m Irish. We think sideways.

He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate.

She’s a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Lady Caroline: I have no doubt of it.

Thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!

You are as a candle, the better part burnt out.

Away, you three-inch fool!

I shan’t be taking my wife with me to Paris. You don’t take a sausage roll to a banquet.

…woo her, wed her, and bed her, and rid the house of her.

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time comes, I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

And least proportion of humanity.

He’s not unlike Hitler, but without the charm.

A man’s life is of more value than a woman’s. It has larger issues, wider scope, greater ambitions.

No woman, plain or pretty, has any common sense at all, sir. Common sense is the privilege of our sex.

Thou crusty botch of nature…

I think thou art an ass.

Let’s meet as little as we can.

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.

Gwendolen: I am glad to say that I have never seen a spade. It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes…

Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, “Be fruitful and multiply.” But not in those exact words.

Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

…her beauty and her brain go not together.

The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!

He was gotten in drink.

I treasure every moment that I do not see her.

[She] can talk brilliantly upon any subject, provided that she knows nothing about it.

…thou lump of foul deformity…