Quotes
Quotes to inspire and reflect
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
10
It is not certain that everything is uncertain.
9
It’s easy to play any musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and the instrument will play itself.
13
My favorite animal is steak.
9
Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
11
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
12
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
10
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
17
Successful Investing takes time, discipline and patience. No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
13
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
7
A hard man is good to find.
11
Macho does not prove mucho.
14
A man in love is like a clipped coupon - it's time to cash in.
13
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
10
A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.
10
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.
8
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
7
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
12
Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
11
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
10
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
11
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
12
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.
9
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
13
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it
11
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.
10
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
6
First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.
16
An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.
14
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
6
The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.
21
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
10
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
7
The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody's guess.
8
The old believe everything, the middle aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
7
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
7
Forty is the old age of youth. Fifty is the youth of old age.
9
You want to look younger. Rent smaller children.
10
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
13
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
10
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.
7
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
8
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
10
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
10
I've had eighteen straight whiskies; I think that's the record.
17
Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed and let people wonder if you're a fool than to open it and remove all their doubt.
8
Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Some only gargle
6
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
8