Quotes to inspire and reflect

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

The truths of religion are never so well understood as by those who have lost their power of reasoning.

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

All the contact I have had with politics has left me feeling as though I had been drinking out of spittoons.

Any 20 year-old who isn't a liberal doesn't have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn't a conservative doesn't have a brain.

This is an impressive crowd: the Have's and Have-more's. Some people call you the elites. I call you my base.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Philosophers before Kant had a tremendous advantage over philosophers after Kant in that they didn’t have to waste time studying Kant.

Hegel set out his philosophy with so much obscurity that people thought it must be profound.

It is not certain that everything is uncertain.

A concept is a brick. It can be used to build a courthouse of reason. Or it can be thrown through the window.

My favorite animal is steak.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

It’s easy to play any musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and the instrument will play itself.

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

Macho does not prove mucho.

Successful Investing takes time, discipline and patience. No matter how great the talent or effort, some things just take time: You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

A man in love is like a clipped coupon - it's time to cash in.

A hard man is good to find.

A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. And they are both disappointed.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.

An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody's guess.

The old believe everything, the middle aged suspect everything, the young know everything.