Humor e Ironia

[ Reply when asked to name the hundredbest books of all time :] I fear that would be impossible, because I have only written five.

One has to secrete a jelly in which to slipquotations down people’s throats—and one always secretes too much jelly.

I am the very pink of courtesy.

 

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

[ On women writers :] As artists they’re rot, but as providers they’re oil wells; they gush. Norris said she never wrote a story unless it was fun to do. I understand Ferber whistles at her typewriter. And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.

As for borrowing Mr. Whistler’s ideas about art, the only thoroughly original ideas I have ever heard him express have had reference to his own superiority as a painter over painters greater than himself.

The best part of married life is the fights. The rest is merely so-so.

[ Reviewing A. A. Milne’s The House at Pooh Corner in her “Constant Reader” column :] Tonstant Weader Fwowed up.

[ Rufus T. Firefly, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

When men drink, then they are rich and successful and win lawsuits and are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

I am his Highness’ dog at Kew;

Who, or why, or which, or what,

[ Groucho Marx speaking :] Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

[ Of Ernest Hemingway :] He has a capacity for enjoyment so vast that he gives away great chunks to those about him, and never even misses them. . . . He can take you to a bicycle race and make it raise your hair.

Salary is no object; I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

Then I remember her comment on one friend who had lamed herself while in London. It was Mrs. Parker who voiced the suspicion that this poor lady had injured herself while sliding down a barrister.

Le sens commun est fort rare .

[ Of Archibald Primrose, Fifth Earl of Rosebery :] [A] man who never missed a chance of missing an opportunity.

Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?

The safest road to hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

 

‘How pleasant to know Mr Lear!’

[ Groucho Marx speaking after a woman says, “I don’t like this innuendo” :] That’s what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

[ Of a performance by Katharine Hepburn :] Let’s all go to see Miss Hepburn and hear her run the gamut of emotions from A to B!