Humor e Ironia

Death has got something to be said for it: There’s no need to get out of bed for it; Wherever you may be, They bring it to you, free.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.

It is indeed a burning shame that thereshould be one law for men and another law for women. . . . I think that there should be no law for anybody.

[ When told of the death of Calvin Coolidge :] How can they tell?

[ J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho Marx, after being told that “the bottom of your shoe creates a suction that holds you up in the ceiling” :] No, no, I’d rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.

I want my attorney, my tailor, my valets, andeven my wife to believe in God, and I fancy that then I’ll be robbed and cuckolded less.

[ Groucho Marx, replying to the comment, “You’re awfully shy for a lawyer” :] You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer.

Toutes les histoires anciennes, comme le disait un de nos beaux esprits, ne sont que des fables convenues .

The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.

[ Of an actress who was said to be kind to her inferiors :] Where does she find them?

[ Gordon Miller, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Room service? Send up a larger room.

[ When asked about the most beautiful words in the English language :] The ones I like . . . are “cheque” and “inclosed.”

Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

“Classic.” A book which people praise and don’t read.

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was tautology.

There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said: “It is just as I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks and a wren Have all built their nests in my beard.”

Dying man couldn’t make up his mind which place to go to—both have their advantages, “heaven for climate, hell for company!”

By all means marry; if you get a good wife you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one you’ll become a philosopher .

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.

So geographers, in Afric-maps,

Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer, and becomes a correspondence.

If this is the best of all possible worlds, whatare the others like?