Tristeza e Melancolia

The sky is a great turquoise shining glee,
All the earth is gathered up in the blue sea
Ev'n the green fields tend thereto in their joy,
The whole day playeth like a happy boy
Among the dales the hours build with their glee.

How happy, had I no cares, would I be!

But there is too much sorrow in mere seeing
The feminine disease of consciousness
Eats like a worm into the source of being.
The very thought I live gives me distress.
My heart is felt by me like some heavy place.

Sorrow came and wept
By my side.
Slow and light she stept
As I walked towards God
By my side.
But I can never find that Great Abode,
And there is darkness in Descried.

Não leio já; queria abrir um livro
E ver, de chofre, ali, a ciência toda...
Queria ao menos poder crer que, lendo,
E em prolongadas horas lendo e lendo,
No fim alguma cousa me ficava
Do essencial do mundo, que eu subia
Até ao menos cada vez mais perto
Do mistério... Que ele, inda que inatingido,
Ao menos dele que eu [me] aproximava...
Não fosse tudo um (...)
Como uma criança que a fingir sobe
Uns degraus que pintou no chão...

Não leio. Horas intérminas, perdido
De tudo, salvo de uma dolorosa
Consciência vazia de mim próprio,
Como um frio numa noite intensa,
Em frente ao livro aberto vivo e morro...
Nada... E a impaciência fria e dolorosa
De ler p'ra não sonhar e ter perdido
O sonho! Assim como um (...) engenho
Que, abandonado, em vão trabalha ainda,
Sem nexo, sem propósito, eu môo
E remôo a ilusão do pensamento...
E hora a hora na minha estéril alma
Mais fundo o abismo entre meu ser e mim
Se abre, e nesse (...) abismo não há nada...

Ditoso o tempo em que eu sonhava, e às vezes
Eu parava de ler para seguir
Os cortejos em mim... Amor, orgulho,
— Crenças inda! — pintavam os meus sonhos...
E com muita insistência[?], eu era (...)
O amante de belezas (...)
E o rei de povos vagos e submissos;
E quer em braços que eu sonhava, ou entre
As filas (...) prostradas, eu vivia
Sublimes nadas, alegrias sem cor.
Mas
Hoje nenhuma imagem, nenhum vulto
Evoco em mim... Só um deserto aonde
Não a cor dum areal, nem um ar morto
Posso sonhar... Mas tendo só a ideia,
Tendo da cor o pensamento apenas,
Vazio, oco, sem calor nem frio,
Sem posição, nem direcção, nem (...)
Só o vazio lugar do pensamento...

I have outwatched the Lesser Wain, and seen
The remnant stars grow pale; but the used night
Has to the thought that used it sterile been,
Nor lost that use by pressure of delight.

My fixed, impatient thought no reason read;
What I scarce read my unthought thought made stray;
My soul between the living and the dead
Was a blown vapour, without place or way.

What the morn brought or took I cannot tell,
That had no use to bring or use to find.
All night I lay under the barren spell.
The day cannot dispel what the void wind

Ruinous built in the shorn night: its glow
Can but the night's made desert brightly show.

Meu coração, mistério batido pelas lonas dos ventos...
Bandeira a estralejar desfraldadamente ao alto,
Árvore misturada, curvada, sacudida pelo vendaval,
Agitada como uma espuma verde pegada a si mesma,
(...)
Para sempre condenada à raiz de não se poder exprimir!
Queria gritar alto com uma voz que dissesse!
Queria levar ao menos a um outro coração a consciência do meu!
Queria ser lá fora...
Mas o que Sou? O trapo que foi bandeira,
As folhas varridas para o canto que foram ramos,
As palavras socialmente desentendidas, até por quem as aprecia,
Eu que quis fora a minha alma inteira,
E ficou só a chapéu do mendigo debaixo do automóvel,
Estragado estragado,
E o riso dos rápidos Soou para trás na estrada dos felizes...

Now are no Janus' temple‑doors thrown wide
To utter thougts of war upon the land.
Now doth no double facing God divide
Him from himself, that sight of him may brand
The symbol of opposed things upon
Our hearts that at our eyes on him are thrown.
Now do no pagan cults tremble at Mars' name
Because bad‑auguring birds like clouds have flown
O'er nations' frontiers, nor do oracles frame
Strange answers unto ears of armoured chiefs,
Replies that leave perplexed their perplexed eyes
That know not whether that heart‑pang they hear
Is the first grief heralding their peoples' griefs
Or the strange cold that the Gods' mysteries
Speak to his soul that is to conquest near.

No. All is dead that wreathed war round with Gods.
Nor omens mute, nor the foiled sacrifice,
No dim words spoken by spilt blood on sods.
Nay, nor the later sense that vice and sloth,
When in a people's heart they nestle both
Do on them call the wrath of heaven, us move.
Our souls are void, like a stage mummer's cries
And our hate and our love mock hate and love.

Something of coldness, like the coming winter,
Crosses our autumn like a profecy.
Round our leaves now no swallows circle and twitter.
No more, no more, shall we heart‑wholesome be.
There is a sadness that with us doth stay
Like a billetted guest, and far away
Our ultimate death awaits us like a sea.

Alas! that even the poesy of wars
Should, like a tired thing, have gone where things go.
Alas! alas! that we have come thus far
Knowing still the same nothing that we know,
To meet more than ourselves, nor no throe
That shall be herald of a newer man.
And ever as the old woes the cold new woe
Fills with its deathless measure our life's span.

No, even the Christian manner of love or hate
Is dead. No God that lives in us survives
The winter in us that snow‑kills God and Fate
And has iced o'er the rivers of our lives.
With cuirass and with pike we laid aside
All that made battle worth the death in it.
Our science‑made war‑gestures now deride
The great eternal things that war doth fit
With helm and armour.
With mortal pomp yet pomp. We are on death's side.

All is as if were not part of it.
All clashes, rings and turmoils as if far.
The foiled imagining within our wit
Ousts war's clear image with bare thought of war.
Our plans are cold, our courage cold, our eyes
When they look inwards dream but the far plain
And vague, picture‑seen faces and their pain
Touches no sense of ours, nor do dreamed cries
Rise in us. What cold thing has become of
Our very hatred? What way has strength gone?
We die as if the sky were not above
Our heads and beneath us sand, grass and stone.

The great eternal presence of all things
No longer doth with us collaborate
To lift our hearts up on invisible wings
And bid us tremble at the thrill of Fate.
The possible fall of empires doth no more
Touch us with that great and mysterious dread
That John on Pathmos saw rise o'er his head
Like a space‑filling sea without a shore.

Alas! our nobler fear has gone away
Where our weariness pointed. We are blind
And learned to blindness. Our wild gestures stray
From us like leaves that fall far off with the wind,
And we fight clearly, coldly, night and day.

These things I thought, knowing that far behind
My visible horizon war was slave
Of that Invisible Master who doth wave
His speechless hand o'er continents and seas
And men like reaped things fall, and the blind wind
With groping hands that in the night are blind
Touches the dead men's faces' mysteries.

This I thought when, lo! before me there was
A door of iron, or what iron seemed,
An unsized portal, and its live‑seeming lock
Seemed all the uses of a lock to mock.
To see that door was to know none could pass
Through it, nor could its other‑side be dreamed.

A ribbon of broad stairs led up to it
But had no meaning, like a laugh unseen,
I looked and the door seemed to sway as hit
By blows, but no blows fell on it. That screen
Was interposed between me and no scene,
Yet, like an eye staring from out the night,
It touched my heart cold with its iron mean.
And this was not in space nor in a light.

Somewhere in me where dreams do themselves show
And have an inner meaning God doth know,
The door was set, and it seemed to my soul
That there since some inner eternity
It ever had been and I something had seen,
Yet half forgot, that like a half‑shown scroll,
Concealed its sense in what it showed to me.

And lo! as my heart looked, the door grew clear
As a near‑lit thing seen in a black night,
And a great sense of a great coming fear
Was fear already in my heart's affright.
Then as I looked I saw - yet it did seem
That in my vision that had ever been -
From beneath the strange door down the steps flow
A string of silent blood, that step by step,
Fell with a motion desolate and slow.

The thin red stream seemed conscious of its course
Though its course seemed to be none, but to fall.
I looked and it fell ever, with a force
Of relinquishment to its fall, a knell
To some hope in me, and the blood
That ever was but a small line did flood
All my pained soul and made it red. The spell
Of its thin redness spreade o'er my thought's mood
And all my thoughts became a great red wall
Set up in front of what in me doth brood.

Then everything shifted, yet was the same.
I looked on as one who sees a child's game
And finds its eyes at interest in it
And knows not why. A sense of end did hit
My power of having feelings with a rain
That did with deep red all my dim soul stain
As it had stained that soul.

Then all the outer world was dashed to night
And, though no floor remained, no sides, no light
To that space‑missed new world, set far from being,
Yet by some clearer virtue of my seeing
All I saw was without nor left nor right
With a name to it, without a place
Even in itself, without an I to see.
The mere great door and the red blood's thin trace
And all the rest was void and mystery.

Then all again seemed changing unto some
New, unimaginable and fearful thing.
The door and that blood‑line seemed to come
A strange new‑featured Face looking out through
The Universe's whole frame, traversing
It like light an invisible glass - a wing
Belonging to no bird our thoughts construe.

Then the door seemed to recede - nay, to have
Receded, when I knew not, nor was there
A when, for Time seem'd as seems a far wave
On a wide sea, something gone past. The bare
Eternal door seemed to have gone to the end
Of a visible infinity, and all
That now remained on which my soul could spend
Its terror was the blood ever at its fall.

Then, though still the same small line of red,
The blood seeemed to grow glass and in it I saw
A mighty river full of strange things - dead
Men, children, wrecks of bridges, cities, thrones,
And still the line was a small red line, (...)
Of other meaning than that
That before God for the clear world atones.

But the (...) visions in that line contained
Seemed wide as space. The red line seemed a slit
In a thin door through which our eyes can see
Large fields, a city and the whole sky stained
With clouds, and all this in the line could be;
And from some unknown where I looked on it.

It seemed the edge of a cube opening
Sideways to sides of visions, more and more.
Now and then across its glass - like being a wing
Passed a tremor ran over everything
That had in it a clear and tragic being.
Then ceased. And from, past space, the door
Still held my unconscious consciousness of seeing.

It seemed sometimes a bright, red moving veil
And through it as through a stained window I guessed
A night and stars on a vague pale day pressed,
On a same horizon desolate and pale.

Then, as I stared, suddenly before me,
Like a fan suddenly opened, the blood‑line
Took space from side to side, leaving naught to me
Left or right of it. Its red (...) fact
Became a red Niagara, a cataract.
But there were no steps, nothing: it did fall
As if drawn in the air, over no edge, and all
Was this and this was its own mystery.

Then lo! over the edge, no longer now,
But empires rolled, and I saw Greece and Rome
Pass. And still over the eternal flow
Reddened from left to right my inner sight's home
Of seeing. And all like to God's blood did come
Like a great rain off a huge thorn‑crowned brow.

And I saw more and more strange empires roll
Down and some I knew not, nor seeing them, guessed.
Awhile their falling the fall's brink caressed
Then they sunk down somewhere within my soul,
And my soul was the soul of all the world,
And from my (...) eyes that saw all this
Suddenly I felt, as if a flag unfurled,
God in me look out at these mysteries.

My eyes seemed windows of another sight
Of someone set behind my soul in the night
Looking through my eyes and my sight, mine own
Was but a glass those unknown eyes looked through,
And still the vision was blood falling down
In cataracts into Mystery, red and slow.

I became one with world and Fate and God,
And the great River that came on and fell
Let me see through its veil of (...) blood
The stars shine and a vague moonlight, then fell
Something from me. The cataract came more near
To my sight; then it seemed into mine eyes
To creep to become with them and the fear
To pass behind them into some soul (...).

Then all that did remain was the stars light
And again in the dark infinity
My pity and my dread alone with me
And my dream's meaning like a paling night.

All my heart weeps for
Is a cottage left
By some one before
Time into space crept,
A small cottage left
Near a silent shore.

There the constant waves
Murmur like vain rest.
There the soft raves
Like a soul possessed
Of rest that not saves.

There the shore‑winds breathe
Possibilities
Of less cares than wreathe
Round our lives their cries
From up and beneath.

Where that cottage is
Rests with wishing it.
Is therewhere is bliss?
No, nor does bliss fit
Into that strange place.

Why desire it then?
Ah, it's different
From the homes of men.
There perhaps are blent
Dreams and what we ken.

There at least alone,
Alone by the sea,
We shall cease to moan...
To moan need not be
Where we are alone...

These are words. Let sleep
Close our eyes to find
That small cottage, deep
In Farness. We are blind
And life is to weep.

The other day indeed,
With my shoe, on the wall,
I killed a centipede
Which was not there at all.
How can that be?
It's very simple, you see -
Just the beginning of D. T.

When the pink alligator
And the tiger without a head
Begin to take stature
And demanded to be fed,
As I have no shoes
Fit to kill those,
I think I'll start thinking:
Should I stop drinking?

But it really doesn't matter...
Am I thinner or fatter
Because this is this?
Would I be wiser or better
If life were other than this is?

No, nothing is right.
Your love might
Make me better than I
Can be or can try.
But we never know
Darling, I don't know
If the sugar of your heart
Would not turn out candy...
So I let my heart smart
And I drink brandy.

Then the centipede come
Without trouble.
I can see them well.
Or even double.
I'll see them home
With my shoe,
And, when they all go to hell,
I'll go too.

Then, on a whole,
I shall be happy indeed,
Because, with a shoe
Real and true,
I shall kill the true centipede ­-
My lost soul!...

O meu coração quebrou-se
Como um bocado de vidro
Quis viver e enganou-se...

Dá-me um sorriso daqueles
Que te não servem de nada
Como se dá às crianças
Uma caixa esvaziada.

NOCTURNO DE DIA

...Não: o que tenho é sono.
O quê? Tanto cansaço por causa das responsabilidades,
Tanta amargura por causa de talvez se não ser célebre
Tanto desenvolvimento de opiniões sobre a imortalidade...
O que tenho é sono, meu velho, sono...
Deixem-me ao menos ter sono; quem sabe que mais terei?

Não ter deveres, nem horas certas, nem realidades...
Ser uma ave humana
Que passe haleyonica sobre a intransigência do mundo —
Ganhando o pão da sua noite com o suor da fronte dos outros —
Faz-tudo triste
No coliseu com lágrimas,
E compère antigo, um pouco mais cheio que Vénus de Milo,
Na insubsistência dos acasos.
E um pouco de sol, ao menos, para os sonhos onde não vivo.

Morena dos olhos baços
Velados de não sei quê,
No mundo há falta de braços
Para o que o teu olhar vê.

Os galos cantam e estou bebedíssimo.
Não fiz nada da vida senão tê-la.
Mal amei, bebi bem, sonhei muitíssimo.
Minha intenção não foi a minha estrela.

Os galos cantam e eu cada vez mais
Absorto no disperso que o álcool dá.
Curara-me talvez a vida, ou sais,
Ou poder crer, ou desejar o que há.

Cantam tantos tão galos que me irrita
Que a noite que ainda dura possa ser.
Mas virá o dia, e, ao fim da parte escrita,
A morte marra e eu deixo-me colher.

Estou cheio de tédio, de nada. Em cima da cama
Leio, com uma minuciosidade atómica,
Lentamente, com uma atenção sem chama,
A Nova Enciclopédia Maçónica.

Penso no que fui (não me escapam as entrelinhas),
E o que a minha alma quis e a minha vida fez.
Coube-me, como a uma senhora um carrinho de linhas,
No meio do Grau 32 do Rito Escocês.

O que quis do passado por brisas se esfolha,
O que pude de oculto teve a tempo medo;
E olho a sorrir o título no alto da folha:
Sublime Príncipe do Real Segredo...

My soul ‑ what is my soul? But symbols mute
Its horror and confusion can give out:
A desert out of space where absolute
Reigns expectation full of horrid doubt.

It gives the sense that giveth, strange and dark,
Some unknown river weird, hauntingly lone,
In some old picture storiless, sole work
Of some great painter horribly unknown.

It is an island out of human track,
Mysterious, old within the sea and full
Of caves and grottoes unexplored and black,
Pregnant with many horrors possible.

It is an olden inn with corridors
Woven in a labyrinth and scarce of light,
Where through the night the sound of shutting doors,
Vague in its cause and place, fills us with fright.

It is a mountain region wild and free,
Precipiced, hid and silent, never seen,
Where we dare not think of what might have been
Nor wish idea of what things may be.

If ever mystery, romance and fear
Have shown their heart on canvas and on scroll,
It must assuredly to men appear
As to mine inner sense appears my soul.

It is a vision-desert full of rocks
Where all than reason is both more and less,
'Tis a lone coast where the sea's endless shocks
Fill with an empty sound its lifelessness.

Something of lost, forgotten, vague and dead,
Yet waking, as a slumberer mystical
Seems to perceive, for who looks knows with dread
That something he doth see to make appal.

All this my soul is in its weak despair,
Full of sense unto pain, of thought to tears,
Having for meed of reason a mute care,
For company to feeling - woes and fears.

So to my glance, as if with opium wide,
My very self is grown a mystery;
In inexstatic fear Life doth abide
And madness like my breath is within me.

Chove muito, chove excessivamente...
Chove e de vez em quando faz um vento frio...
Estou triste, muito triste, corno se o dia fosse eu.

Num dia no meu futuro em que chova assim também
E eu, à janela de repente me lembre do dia de hoje,
Pensarei eu «ah nesse tempo eu era mais feliz»
Ou pensarei «ah, que tempo triste foi aquele»!
Ah, meu Deus, eu que pensarei deste dia nesse dia
E o que serei, de que forma; o que me será o passado que é hoje só presente?...
O ar está mais desagasalhado, mais frio, mais triste
E há uma grande dúvida de chumbo no meu coração...

Hoje que tudo me falta, como se fosse o chão,
Que me conheço atrozmente, que toda a literatura
Que uso de mim para mim, para ter consciência de mim,
Caiu, como o papel que embrulhou um rebuçado mau —
Hoje tenho uma alma parecida com a morte dos nervos
Necrose da alma,
Apodrecimento dos sentidos.
Tudo quanto tenho feito conheço-o claramente: é nada.
Tudo quanto sonhei, podia tê-lo sonhado o moço de fretes.
Tudo quanto amei, se hoje me lembro que o amei, morreu há muito.
Ó Paraíso Perdido da minha infância burguesa,
Meu Éden agasalhando o chá nocturno,
Minha colcha limpa de menino!
O Destino acabou-me como a um manuscrito interrompido.
Nem altos nem baixos — consciência de nem sequer a ter...
Papelotes da velha solteira — toda a minha vida.
Tenho uma náusea do estômago nos pulmões.
Custa-me a respirar para sustentar a alma.
Tenho uma quantidade de doenças tristes nas juntas da vontade.
Minha grinalda de poeta — eras de flores de papel,
A tua imortalidade presumida era o não teres vida.
Minha coroa de louros de poeta — sonhada petrarquicamente,
Sem capotinho mas com fama,
Sem dados mas com Deus —
Tabuleta [de] vinho falsificado na última taberna da esquina!

Last night I had not the blessing
Of a deep or a quiet slumber,
For thoughts most wild and distressing
Every woe and fear expressing
        My drowsy sense did encumber.

        And the clock, with its curst possession
                Of night with its monotone,
        Is a madman mad with a word-obsession,
                Sorrowfully lone.

A thousand times a reeling
Of reason around my world,
And around reason feeling
The very darkness wheeling
In a blacker darkness hurled.

        And the clock! Ah, its curst possession
                Of night with its monotone!
        How it treasured well its word-obsession
                Dolorously lone!

If I slept awhile, without number
Came the dreams, and I had not the grace
Of the shade of a shadow of slumber.
I fell in descent from reason steep,
In consciousness pale disgrace;
There was a fall half-senseless and deep
And I woke with a start from sleep
        For I struck the bottom of space.

        And I woke to the clocks's possession
                Of night with its monotone,
        Chuckling a meaning past its obsession,
                Maniacally lone.

Filho das trevas,
Não fites a luz
Ai de ti, se te elevas,
Tu apenas te elevas
Aos braços de uma cruz.
Filho das trevas!

Filho da noite,
A manhã não se afoite
Nunca, nunca se afoite.
Toda a esperança é vã,
Filho da noite!

De vez em quando surge-me nos lábios
Uma canção de amor e, instintivo,
Nela choro unia amada morta. Sim.
É a noiva eterna morta de um eu
Que não soube amar.
                                Ah que feliz
Seria se eu pudesse aniquilar
O pensamento, a comoção — o que eu
Mais odeio e mais prezo — e m'envolver
Numa vida vazia e trabalhosa,
Com amores, ternura! Beberia
A alegria do regalo de existir
Sem perguntar onde era a sua origem
Nem onde tinha fim. Felicidade
Fez-se para quem a não pode sentir.
Completo e apreensível horror
Do mistério que eis volta ao pensamento!

Hoje se morre alguém que estimo — se eu
Estou ainda algo em mim absorto
No que é mais do que eu — se morre alguém
Que amo — admitamo-lo — já não choro,
Não sinto dor: gela-me apenas, muda,
A presença da morte que triplica
O sentimento do mistério em mim.

Onde a serenata?
Dormem os arvoredos.
Há mosqueiros de prata,
Luar em rastos e enredos...

Cantam que vozes suaves?
Enche-se a alma de querer
Ter qualquer coisa das aves
Para a poder entender...

Oh, sombras longas, levai-me
Até a quem vós cantais...
Na vossa música dai-me
Melhor dor que a dos meus ais...

Vinde buscar-me ao desejo,
Despi-me da ilusão...
Vosso murmúrio não vejo…
Não ouço a vossa canção...

Mas na cor oca do luar,
No lago alado da brisa,
Há vozes indo a cantar
Pela floresta indecisa…

E em serenata levantam
Os seus suspiros ao céu,
Qual é a mágoa que contam
Que é melhor que o gozo meu?

O que é [que] buscam que qu'rê-lo
Vale mais que em nós ter?
Que olhos tem, que cabelo,
Essa invisível mulher?

Há entre mim e a humanidade um golfo,
E esse golfo está dentro do meu ser.

Quer solitário, quer com outros, eu
Estou sempre só, nem a mim mesmo faço
A companhia de sentir. Navego,
Desabitada nau no mar da vida,
Mais só que a solidão. Sou um estranho
Ao que em mim pensa. Sou de qualquer modo
Dois, para que, quando passageira
Alegria do esforço de pensar (
A única alegria que me resta (
Me (...), eu tenha a consciência dela
Como vazia, como o prazer todo.

Desperto de sonhar-te
Quando inda a noite é funda,
E um céu estelar faz parte
Do silêncio que inunda.
Perdi poder amar-te
E a treva me circunda.

Talvez que relembrasse,
Sonhando-te, outro ser,
E aquilo que sonhasse
Fosse tornar a ter.
Mas despertei, e faz-se
Claro em meu quarto a ver.

Insónia de perder-te!
Quem foste já não sei.
Pela janela verte
Cada astro a sua lei.
Como, sem sonhar ter-te?...
Porque não dormirei?