All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea’s navel and still have room left to conceal eight carroway seeds and an agent’s heart.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 A.M. and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 P.M. to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

[ Catchphrase of character Senator Claghorn :] That’s a joke, son!

All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it.

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.

[Television is] the triumph of machine over people.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.