Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Television is a device that permits people who haven’t anything to do to watch people who can’t do anything.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

California is a fine place to live—if you happen to be an orange.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

What’s on your mind if you will forgive the overstatement.

You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough.

Committee—a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. attributed