There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.

If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad.

My main reason for adopting literature as a profession was that, as the author is never seen by his clients, he need not dress respectably.

All my life, affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time.

Reviewing has one advantage over suicide: in suicide you take it out on yourself; in reviewing you take it out on other people.