I don’t believe there’s any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can’t completely ignore.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion.

Don’t just teach your kids to read, teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything!

The reason we can’t have the 10 commandments in a courthouse? You cannot post “Thou shall not steal”, “Thou shall not commit adultery”, and “Thou shall not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Religion is just mind control.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.