Of ex-President Eisenhower at the Republican convention of 1964 Reading a speech with his usual sense of discovery.

I can understand companionship. I can understand bought sex in the afternoon. I cannot understand the love affair.

Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.

For certain people after 50, litigation takes the place of sex.

He’s not unlike Hitler, but without the charm.

There is no such thing as a homosexual or a heterosexual person. There are only homo- or heterosexual acts. Most people are a mixture of impulses if not practices.

Envy is the central fact of American life.

Every four years the naive half who vote are encouraged to believe that if we can elect a really nice man or woman President everything will be all right. But it won't be.

Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice like, Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But they're both just aspirin.

Think of the earth as a living organism that is being attacked by billions of bacteria whose numbers double every forty years. Either the host dies, or the virus dies, or both die.