There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool.

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Men and women -- even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race .

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.