Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside; then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation .

When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn't find honest employment.

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better .

Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.