Humor e Ironia

Il faut manger pour vivre et non pas vivre pour manger .

Wilson Mizner . . . recalls his embarrassment when he first came into the world, and found a woman in bed with him.

Life may not exactly be pleasant, but at least it is not dull. Heave yourself into Hell today, and you may miss, tomorrow or next day, another Scopes trial, or another War to End War, or perchance a rich and buxom widow with all her first husband’s clothes. There are always more Hardings hatching. I advocate hanging on as long as possible.

I forget who it was that recommended men for their soul’s good to do each day two things they disliked . . . it is a precept that I have followed scrupulously; for every day I have got up and I have gone to bed.

I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I never forget a face—but I’m going to make an exception in your case.

[ Explaining his resignation from the Hollywood chapter of the Friars Club :] I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.

[ Question asked of losers on quiz show so that they would go away with some money :] Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?

[ Responding to a woman contestant who, explaining why she had twenty-two children, said “because I love children, and I think that’s our purpose here on earth, and I love my husband” :] I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

[ Gordon Miller, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Room service? Send up a larger room.

[ J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho Marx, after being told that “the bottom of your shoe creates a suction that holds you up in the ceiling” :] No, no, I’d rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.

[ Chicolini, played by Chico Marx, speaking :] Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?

[ Rufus T. Firefly, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

[ Groucho Marx speaking after a woman says, “I don’t like this innuendo” :] That’s what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

[ Groucho Marx, replying to the comment, “You’re awfully shy for a lawyer” :] You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer.

[ Groucho Marx speaking :] Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don't understand it. You see my physics students don't understand it... That is because I don't understand it. Nobody does.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.

A woman, especially if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about.