Humor e Ironia

By all means marry; if you get a good wife you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one you’ll become a philosopher .

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies are ended by a marriage.

Love the quest; marriage the conquest; divorce the inquest.

A marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree.

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Today, if you invent a better mousetrap, the government comes along with a better mouse.

One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.

The magician and the politician have much in common: they both have to draw our attention away from what they are really doing.

The most successful politician is he who says what the people are thinking most often in the loudest voice.