Emotions and Feelings

[ Responding to a woman contestant who, explaining why she had twenty-two children, said “because I love children, and I think that’s our purpose here on earth, and I love my husband” :] I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

[ J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] I bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

[ J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho Marx, after being told that “the bottom of your shoe creates a suction that holds you up in the ceiling” :] No, no, I’d rather not. I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling.

[ Gordon Miller, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Room service? Send up a larger room.

[ Chicolini, played by Chico Marx, speaking :] Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?

[ Rufus T. Firefly, played by Groucho Marx, speaking :] Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.

[ Groucho Marx speaking after a woman says, “I don’t like this innuendo” :] That’s what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

[ Groucho Marx, replying to the comment, “You’re awfully shy for a lawyer” :] You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer.

[ Groucho Marx speaking :] Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

Hell hath no limits nor is circumscribed

I want, by understanding myself, to understand others. I want to be all that I am capable of becoming. . . . This all sounds very strenuous and serious. But now that I have wrestled with it, it’s no longer so. I feel happy—deep down.

Men must either be caressed or extinguished; because they avenge themselves of light offenses, but of the grave ones they cannot. So the offense one does to a man must be such that one not fear vengeance for it.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don't understand it. You see my physics students don't understand it... That is because I don't understand it. Nobody does.

If anybody says he can think about quantum physics without getting giddy, that only shows he has not understood the first thing about them.

It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.

It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.

A woman, especially if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.

Knowledge is a polite word for dead but not buried imagination.

If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation.

I am not young enough to know everything.