Even holligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.

Decency...must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep.

Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress.

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation to which the filing system has been lost?

I never work. Work does age you so.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?