The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.

For flavor, Instant Sex will never supersede the stuff you had to peel and cook.

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

Life is the funny thing that happens to you on the way to the grave.

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.

FASHION IS WHAT YOU ADOPT WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

NEVER TRY TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES. DRAG THEM DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL. IT’S CHEAPER.