If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture you would be pretty much left with “Let’s Make a Deal.”

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or a major movie star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word “collectible” as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step—it is an old business procedure.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.