If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract -- teach him to deduct.

The controversial overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.