Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. H. L.

The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman. H. L.

Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails. H. L.

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late. H. L.

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. H. L.

Men are the only animals that devote themselves, day in and day out, to making one another unhappy. It is an art like any other. Its virtuosi are called altruists. H. L.

Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing they were dead and in heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in hell. H. L.

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. H. L.

The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. H. L.

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. H. L.