The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. H. L.

The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. H. L.

I detest converts almost as much as I do missionaries. H. L.

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself. H. L.

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. H. L.

It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. H. L.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. H. L.

No normal man ever fell in love after thirty when the kidneys begin to disintegrate. H. L.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals. H. L.

Henry James would have been vastly improved as a novelist by a few whiffs of the Chicago stockyard. H. L.