When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad—but New York City?
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I’ve called my car Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10 percent sex, 90 percent guilt
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
